I am God's beloved child :)

Saturday, April 3, 2010 @ 1:13:00 AM

Its going to be wordy!

I just dun understand why people always look at people’s weaknesses and their flaws! Why can’t they look at positive ones! Why??? Seriously I was freaking or rather f***ing f***ed up yesterday! I will tell you why, I dun really mind sharing, just hope you guys can give me suggestions via tagboard or email or msg or give me a call, anything will do!

Maybe you can say that I am self-fish but to me I admitted I am a little, but I did back off a lot already! Its about me and my mum! Seriously, I dun know whats her problem also, I tried to understand her but she is making things more complicated! I made a freaking big mistake when I was in my poly year last year when I made the wrong choice! And hence I couldn’t cope well then the school so-called ‘’expelled’’ me! I expected her to scold me at that time, well of course she did, if she didn’t then that will be good! Now after about half a year since I am schooless, I tried my very hard for NAFA and La Salle, and I managed to go into La Salle. I was glad about it. However, my mum was like wth! She keeps suaning me. Saying that I will waste money again on the course! Well, Just because I made a mistake last time does not mean that I am condemned forever le! No right? But her attitude towards me is like this! It really hurts me a lot you see! The way she says can really make you feel so damn damn damn miserable! Only some of you know me well, I am those emotional type de! So you can imagine her nagging and SUANING me every single day?? It hurts right?? Even Shu Jie Lao Shi also have faith in me, she told my mum to have faith in God and also in me, but I dun think she can do it! This is really damn damn damn pathetique!!!

I tried very hard to make it for the audition in La Salle a fortnight ago. Screwed a little, but my works are enough to convince the panel! So praise the Lord! But my mum…haissh, the more I say, the more I want to cry. Sorry, if I sound a little vulgar here, cos now my emotions are flowing now! Just let me be!

Secondly, I just dun understand her rule (When she sleeps, we must also be sleeping rule). I was like WTH! As most of you know that I dun really sleep that early, so to me that will be a torture. I know that it will be better to sleep early, but seriously I cannot, I am rather active in the night, and that’s when I often composed music in the middle of the night, that’s where I got inspirations! And she just detested the fact that I switched on my lappie together with the internet cables, and the reason she gave was she wanted to sleep! I mean, she sleeps and I do my things, what has got to do with her! Just let me do the things I want, then everything will be fine le mah?? Whats her prob?? Its hard to communicate with her almost everytime!

Thirdly, I think she is arrogant cos she always thinks she is correct and everytime we have to listen to her craps and also she tends to accuse people without asking more info about the incident! Which is so senseless. See, if I break a vase she will sure scold me de, if she breaks it, will she scold herself? Lets use a more ideal example. I remember about 2 years ago when me and my sis were at home. Then my sis was hungry and she spread the peanut butter on the bread, leaving the spoon in the basin. Then it attracted ants. My mum then came back from work and saw what happened and then immediately without any thinking accused me! Which was WTFH! Why cant it be my sis 1^st? And also a lot of time also like this. In fact 70% of the time I kena even though I was not the culprit. Maybe its because I am the oldest, but you can’t always accuses people!!! Another thing that portrayed her arrogance is this incident. There were a lot of times when she told us to come home and dun leave the keys dangling at the door locks. And she scolded us for doing that often. But she also did that! So how do you explain? Its like she is not setting an example for us to see. And whenever she does something wrong, she WILL NOT apologize! Notice that I bolded the words will not! The only time she will is when people ‘’demanded’’ her at least 2 times! So freaking pissed by her everytime.

Dedicated to someone:

Now lets dun talk about her anymore! Hmmm, lets talk about something. Well, I like to concern about people around me, that’s my character. And especially when someone I like and cherish a lot I tend to over-concern. Perhaps that’s me la, I am rather a perfectionist in a relationship and expects seriousness and full responsibility in it. But I am not perfect, there are welts and blemishes in my character too. So if I really over-concern about you please tell me. And do try to tolerate it. I will try to improve. Its really pretty hard to ‘’STOP’’ concerning so I wun do that and also hope you wun ask me to do that. You see, from my point of view, I like a person, but for me now, getting to know a person better is the key to a stable relationship then at least you can tolerate and know what to do. So you know why I tend to over-concern? That is the reason. I know its not working cos you may not like it, so I am working on it now, need time also eh, so must give me a lot a lot of chances to prove myself. Farther more, its kind of hard to change immediately. For YOUR sake, I change damn loads. But I dun think you get appreciated, haiz, nvm, it means I will need to work even harder. But dun set too high standards de la, at least must look more on my plus points dun look at my negative points cos you will feel sian. And you know that if you feel sian towards a person it means a little of disrespectful sia, but I know you dun mean it la, so just be careful. Like I said, I will really try very hard to change my ‘’over-concerning’’ attitude de, so I promise that and I will really try to change. Hope you can have just a little feeling of me over the few years. Just a little will do! I know its hard la, since I can’t force also, so the only things I can do is work harder and pray about it!

Okay, gtg now! I am a little tired now. Bye bye! God bless :)